Grape Juice with a Dash of Motor Oil and a little Zuko
by Angsty0-anime-fangrl
Summary: Its very crackish. Friend wrote it after discussing south park and crack with her. Then we started discussing yaoi and BNHA. Basically its crack parody pure stupidity


**MY Hero Academia doesn't belong to me. If it did I would've made it more angsty and less humorous. And Deku would've been an antihero. A friend of mine wrote this with moi. I did the requesting. SHe did the majority of the work**

A soft brushing of thin, cold fingers against his small, child-like ones jolted Mineta-Kun out of his disturbingly lewd dreams. Adjusting to the annoyingly bright afternoon sunlight filtering in through the blindless window, he blinked a few times, annoyed, before looking up from his wooden desk to find none other but the notoriously stoic Todoroki-Senpai.

"M...may I help you?" He asked and rubbed at his bleary eyes, not bothering to mask the bite in his tone. Darn it - and he was just about to get Yaoyorozu for the first time too-

"Yes." The half-hot half-cold boy looked down at Mineta-Kun with intense brown and blue orbs, his unnerving stare sending shivers down Mineta-Kun's spine. Todoroki-Senpai's hand trembles ever so slightly as he reaches towards the purple balls stuck on the short pervert's head, the grape himself scrutinizing all this with wide, curious eyes.

He barely feels the gentle caress of Todoroki-Senpai's hand on his jelly balls when a sudden gust of wind attacks them, luckily only knocking our lord and savior Mineta-Kun to the ground, knocking the breath out of him. Todoroki Senpai, however, is less fortunate than that and is slammed against the wall. Even from his position on the floor, Mineta could see the crumbling plaster and deep cracks in the wall where the half and half boy's indent scarred it moments before. A growl reverberates from deep in Todoroki Senpai's chest as he glares at the intruder, who is now looming above Mineta-Kun, eyeglasses flashing dangerously. Before Mineta could even say 'eyeglasses flashing are so cliche' the figure reached down and slid his arms under Mineta-Kun's torso and the backs of his knees, effectively princess carrying him.

"Iida-Chan." Todoroki-Senpai spat, narrowing his eyes in a disgusted manner.

"Todoroki-Senpai." Iida-Chan replied coolly, cradling Mineta-Kun's childish body to his chest, somehow maintaining a professional air through it all (despite ramming one of his fellow classmates into a wall moments prior.). "I believe you have touched what is going to be mine."

"Mineta-Kun's shiny, squishy Boba balls and his weird, nose lip face will be mine, Choppy Hand. You can take those glasses of yours and-"

Iida-Chan gently set Mineta-Kun onto the tiled floor, stepped away, and took a deep breath before turning on full recipro, heading straight towards where Todoroki Senpai was still embedded in the wall. Luckily for Senpai, his reflexes take over just in time and he successfully manages to evade Iida's attack with a wall of ice - the black haired boy narrowly missing an impact straight into it. Iida's glasses flash once more as he charges again towards Todoroki Senpai, but Senpai is smart enough to get out of the wall and so he rushes towards the front of the room, where the chalkboard is, all the while shooting bursts of fire at Iida Chan.

In a split second, Todoroki Senpai had grabbed the chalk and dragged it zig-zag across the board, it's screech echoing throughout the room. Iida brakes, skittering to a halt directly in front of the chalk board that now proudly bears the words 'your a very muchly stupid head, mineta love I because balls of mineta are me's'.

Iida Chan gasped and tried to turn away, but it was too late. The grammatical errors were just too much to handle, and he gave in to his desire, letting his hands and the chalk lead him away from his previous goal. With every click of the chalk against the board, a tear fell down Iida's face as he watched, from the corner of his eye, his adversary strolling over and plucking his Mineta-Kun up from the ground like a string of ripened grapes.

"Todoroki-Senpai...?" Mineta-Kun breathed into the hollow silence, as the red and white haired boy has not stopped relentlessly poking his squishy quirk. Iida scratches hopelessly away at the chalkboard in the background.

"Todoroki-Senpai." He inquires once more, this time more insistently, and the poking ceases - albeit hesitantly. Mineta-Kun looks up to see those familiar mismatched eyes boring into his in that disconcerting way again. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because." Todoroki Senpai states boldly, and Mineta swears he sees the fake anime sun effect filter in through the scene. He can still hear Iida Chan's tortured sobs in the background, accompanied by the scrape of the chalk. "I love you, Mineta-Kun."

insert record screeching sound

"E-excuse me?" The small grape haired boy manages, face green as he's hit with the reality of what was actually happening.

"I said I love you, Mineta Kun."

"N-no!" Mineta wails, from his uncomfortable position against Todoroki's broad chest. "This can't be!"

Todoroki Senpai tilted his half/half head, a mixture of bewilderment and hurt etched on his usually stoic face. "What do you mean, Mineta-Kun?" He asked quietly, an undertone of dejectedness coloring his words. "Do you like Iida Chan?"

Iida Chan's engines rev in the distance in what seems to be an elated way.

"No! Of course not!" Mineta-Kun shouts, cringing at the very thought. "Glasses are gross and cars are not my type!" Todoroki Senpai smirks as Iida Chan lets out a terrible wail in the background, still toiling away on the chalkboard (Despite being good at his studies, English was still a tough subject for the class prez). "However," The purple balled boy began, wriggling out of Todoroki Senpai's limp grasp. "I'm not into boys because I like women. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go peep- I mean, respect women."

Mineta-Kun whistles as he strolls out of the hallway, leaving a shell-shocked Todoroki and a weeping Iida behind.

—

After that fateful day, Todoroki and Iida's lives were never the same. Todoroki Senpai's flames could not work without his passionate, red-hot desire for Mineta-Kun, and Iida-Chan's engines were clogged by the pieces of his broken heart (and some chalk, but whatever). They were both eventually kicked out of UA, due to their performances dropping excessively low.

Todoroki Senpai died because his father killed him. Iida Chan went to the mechanic's, grabbed a screwdriver, and plunged it into his necc.

Mineta Kun never got the girl. He spent the rest of his life as a lonely hermit.

The end.


End file.
